we’re fine

are you not just amazed at the way that the needle traces grooves to produce music

the way the music brings up hints of memories, just enough to make you emotional

the way the emotions are attached to people

the way names can make your heart beat hard enough to be felt from the back of your chest

the way your ribs are jutting out, your spine a visible line of nubs, from the coffee you’ve had in place of meals

the way you got drunk after six cups of coffee, the shakes and shudders from two different beasts using you as a battleground

the way you’ve forgotten about the beasts in your head, the way you stood in the middle of the road alone, the way you lost yourself while driving

the way you wish, not for death, but a brief wake from existence

the way we look everywhere for something to replace what we think exists in that place we can’t come back from

the way some people get impatient and find out for themselves if death is peaceful or hell

the way that hell is supposed to be seven times worse than anything we can create for ourselves

the way that no matter how much we hate our lives, someone is going to have it worse, and we are not allowed be less than grateful

the way that sometimes i am in thankful love with life, the way that sometimes i am love with myself enough to be saturated by solitude

the way that sometimes loneliness is as condemning as it is a salvation, the way that boredom breeds contempt, the way that when left alone with thoughts you tend towards destruction

the way that self-destruction is a reliable comfort, the way that killing myself is not too unrealistic a goal, the way that too many people are just like me, deep down,

the way that all of us pretend we’re fine

 

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